I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember the bone shattering sound of his breath. And my breath. And the muscles that ran up his spine like smoke. I remember the “almost” and “maybes” of never being good enough. I remember all the wars inside myself. I remember waking up to, “You’re broken. You need help.” And in that moment, my universe and all my pieces were exposed. I remember hating myself. I rememberlooking at his wrists and my wrists and thinking how they looked so perfect together in a world so full of hate. I remember August 27th. It was raining. I remember how much he loved hating me. And how much I hated loving him. I remember how my bones screamed inside of me when you touched me. How I smothered them with a pile of skin that didn’t feel like mine, just to keep them quiet. But that skin got heavy. And my bones weren’t strong enough anymore. I remember looking in the mirror and wishing on all the stars that I didn’t have to be me. I remember the burning in my throat and how my hands were shaking and my heart got cold. There was so much blood and acid. I remember the morning I woke up covered in nightmares. He smelled of coffee, cigarettes, and s i l e n c e. And he was beautiful. I remember all the sad poems she wrote. How she ran out of things to keep herself numb. I remember how we owned the sky, and nothing could touch the paint in our universe. We were beautiful accidents made in hell, and we found a place to breathe. And that was all that mattered.
