you are what you eat. i am words.

there are some days when i don't feel.

i'm just moving. unsure of where it is i'm headed.

my breathing is mechanical and consistent.

it's like the world is living in slow motion and i'm just there.

watching.

a tourist.

but there are other days when i feel so much that my heart could burst.

an explosion of pain. blinding this dark world we call home.

what i feel is the same as what everyone else feels.

but i'm just too afraid to admit it.

afraid to say the words that want to break out of me.

to scream into the universe so people will know that i'm breaking.

but i eat those words.

words coated with sugar so the swallowing is easier.

i am human.

i am not a tourist.

i am a writer. a creator.

you want to know why i'm human?

it's because no matter how hard i try, i still love you.

because when you touch me it leaves little scars that won't ever go away.

i'm human because i bleed.

i think.

and feel.

and touch.

i love.

and i love too much.

and i break.

i'm human because i'm full of the words that i choke on as i swallow.

that don't know how to come out.

the words that i am.

is a piece of my soul considered an introduction?

I never knew how to begin.
But now I really have no idea...
My mind is constantly flooded with words and thoughts and feelings that I can't ever seem to write down.
I think it's because I'm afraid:
Of not knowing how.
Of being judged.
Of not being good enough.
Of the truth of the pain of my words and where they come from.
Of actually being good enough.
Of no one hearing what I have to say...
Of no one caring.
But I have to push these fears aside.
I just have to STOP HOLDING MY TONGUE and let the words fall out.

This is the beginning.
Today is the day the words start spilling. And hearts start to shatter.
Even if the only heart that shatters is mine, that's okay.
My feelings, bloody and broken, are going to be painted across the universe. Mine.
No one else may ever know or care. But they'll be there for the days that I need them most.
On the rainy days, alone in the coffee shop where no one else knows I go.
Shh...it's a secret.
But it's one of my favorites.
And there's so many secrets, all of them running away into the dark shadows of my mind.
Hiding from the world I wished I didn't live in.
But my mind is about to be cracked wide open.
And you'll know my secrets.

So if you're afraid of the dark, of blood and pain, and the broken pieces of life...
Then look away.
My mind is not a place for the faint heart or the weak soul.
There's some days when I can't even look. That's why I write.
Writing makes the pain seem beautiful.
It is the universe I live in, and you can come if you want.
But beware of the WARNING signs.
The lock you'll have to open.
The walls you'll have to climb to get in.
The imperfections you'll see.
The bloody footprints that mark where I've been.
Stains of words on the sky that no one else understands.
The smell of smoke and coffee.
And of the burning ashes of my existence.
The pieces of me that no one ever sees.
And there's a reason why...