Even If You Don't Want Me...

I want you to know that I'm not thinking about you.

I'm not thinking about you.

But damnit... 

You're always in my head, where you're not supposed to be.

And I don't think about you like crayons think about melting.

Or like fingers think about painting.

Yes, I'm aware of your crooked mouth and how you smile at my flaws.

And I'm breaking under the sun that loved you and not me.

Because I don't think about you, or your fingertips.

I don't think about you.

Like birds think about flying.

Or how I think about dying.

You're the only one that every really knew the contents of my soul.

Elaborate. Delicate.

My mind and thoughts so broken,

you were the only one that could touch them.

(please be gentle)

But I'm not thinking about you,

Or the muscles that run up your spine like smoke.

Because I'm having a hard time breathing.

And the thing is, I'd like my lungs to stay how they are.

Thank you.

You can look away now.

There's nothing to see.

Because I'm thinking about you.

Thinking about you

Like whispers think about secrets.

And secrets think about keeping.

And I'm thinking about keeping...you.

Like time thinks about stopping.

And mountains think about moving.

And I'm wishing that I could move mountains just so you'd

notice me.

But we all want what we can't have.

I'm breathing you know...

Barely. But I have a pulse.

And it's drumming to the sound of you.

And I'm thinking about you.

Like hands think about holding.

And souls think about soaring.

Like hearts think about beating. 

And bleeding. 

And. 

b r e a k i n g.

And 

how 

I'm 

breaking.

For you.